On Worrying

So I already failed in my “two posts a week” promise to myself, so that’s…awesome.

It’s not like I’m surprised though, this summer has seen me work two jobs: my usual one waiting tables and an extra one for NC State University working with Student Housing. On top of that I’ll be moving out of the dormitories and into my own first apartment in just about a week, which has been as terrifying as one might imagine/remember. Not to say it isn’t exciting. And to make matters worse and more interesting simultaneously, I’ve got my project over on http://www.youtube.com/vlogsvaria launching August 1st (a vlog which I anticipate will cause me to blog in written form much less…but we’ll see), above which there remains the dual spectre of school work looming in mid-August and the ever-present Sword of Damocles that is my novel…currently at about the 9% completion mark by word count goal…although that’s subject to some reconsideration. AND I almost forgot: I will be President of the newly created Science Fiction and Fantasy Club at the university come the Fall Semester, while simultaneously trying to maintain my status as a moderately active member of the Secular Student Alliance. As Paul Atreides once scathingly said to Gaius Helen Mohiam, “You take a lot on yourselves.” Now that I’ve taken a lot on myself…we’ll see if I actually like being busy.

All of which–despite a rather titanic, if temporary hiccup with the apartment–is going extremely well. Even my pledge to go to the gym is going well: I saw my friend Michael for the first time in about two months last Friday and he said, “You look like you’ve been working out.” Considering I haven’t been working out that much…it’s good to know it’s working. Even my social life is improving, which is practically unheard of for a nerd like myself who’s most at home locked in a room by himself, with a laptop, writing.

Still, I can’t help but worry. I’m worried I’ll continue to forget using my blog, worried my more permanent job at the restaurant won’t be able to support me, worried the apartment will end up impoverishing me, worried no one will care about or even watch Vlogsvaria, worried I won’t be able to keep my grades at their current level, worried my book will suck and I’ll be doomed to a life locked in a cubicle instead of a room, worried the Sci-Fi/Fantasy Club will be an unmitigated disaster, worried I’ll fail at my fitness challenge and continue to be monstrously unhealthy…worried my social life will revert to the high school days of absolute suckitude (it should be a word).

And to be honest, I don’t know what the appropriate response to all this worry is. I feel it would be wrong to try the “hakuna matata” approach and not worry at all. Comedian Christopher Titus once said that we’re “…supposed to worry about the bills getting paid because that’s how the bills get paid!” And he’s right, but I feel it is equally dangerous to worry constantly, as is my general modus. My friend Jordan is pre-med in neurobiology and has spent almost a year now on a paper regarding stress, worry and their effect (affect? I really have the hardest time with these two, anyone? Victoria, if you’re reading this let me know!) on both physical and psychological health. And I don’t want to make myself sick with worry–that’s worrying in and of itself.

Which would be hilarious if it was not so, so sad.

And which would be sad if I didn’t think it was so funny.

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    • Woody
    • July 21st, 2013

    ahhhh reflecting my recent sentiments exactly. i can speak from experience and say that the “hakuna matata” approach does not work.

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